#7 Back to civilisation -

My time at the station had come to an end, and I was leaving with mixed feelings.

I knew I was going to mis the quietness but I also felt ready to see some other faces for a change.

I felt sad while saying goodbye.
It felt like I was leaving home; a safety.

Instead of leaving by bus (what everyone without a car did), a girl from the station offered me to drive to Cairns together. She was going into that direction anyway, and this was more fun for us both. The drive was six hours, so some company was nice.

We decided to makes some stops in between: we made it a little road trip.

Another girl from the station decided to leave the station also, so she joined us in the car. The upcoming week, me and her, spend every minute with each other (which we didn’t know by then).

> Back to Cairns

The first stop we had was at a natural water spring. Here we had a drink and enjoyed the outside.

The idea was actually to go into the water.. but it was busier then we thought. Also, we weren’t wearing any swimwear. And swimming naked between families with children would have brought us in a weird situation 😉

The second stop was at Milla Milla Falls; a waterfall famous because of the Herbal Essence commercial (where she flicks her hair backwards in front of it)

It’s sometimes unrealistic when you look to a wonder of nature. The colours were so bright; the leaves so green and; the water so bleu. I have to say #nofilter?

The last stop was to pick up a friend from the driver, to have some food and drinks. Sushi and wine!

That was the plan.

This guy lived the simplicity of life in another way then the station. All the way up -on a mountain- he lived in a caravan. He lived completely surrounded by trees and in front of him he was growing his own vegetables and herbs. It was beautiful to see.

Anxiety
A feeling of worry; nervousness and/or fear, that -sometimes- comes with a responds from the body.

This feeling..
I felt the moment we walked into the center of Cairns.

It had been three months since I had seen or been around the civilization I have always known. And everything was just so.. busy.

There was a lot going on around me, what gave me a hard time to focus. Lights, music, conversations, moving cars, crossing people. I felt stressed and nervous. I felt out of place.

Three months, I walked around in working boats with shorts and a simple t-shirt.
Here did it looked like I was in the wrong movie.
Three months I walked around without looking around me and breathing fresh air.
Here the sidewalk felt more dangerous then the cows.

I didn’t felt related with the people and also -did i noticed at myself- that I kept them at a distance.. I didn’t even tried.

‘This feeling I never completely lost’.

Happy to be back but -deep down- I also wanted to drive back to the station. Back to safety.

There is no preparation for this. I didn’t even thought that I would feel this way. The world has been moving forward but yet, everything was just the same as you left it. A type of insecurity also; I conclude after a conversation with myself.

Struggles
To experience difficulty and make a great effort in order to do something;
a physical or mental fight.

Missing the daily routine
It was weird not to cook. And for a couple of days, I missed it. I noticed that my hands were used to it also; I felt they were getting weaker.

The positive side of it was, that I got my nails back! And soft skin.
After a couple of weeks my hands were cut free.

Money
It was weird to use money again.

In those months, I saw my loan going into my account. But paying, we did over the phone. And my food and accommodation were included.

I didn’t touched paper money for a long time. It felt weird to buy food and to decide what you wanted to eat.